Marriage And Family Got Me Out From Under My Philosophical Rock

Marriage
Future Time

“So, it must have been hard on you,” replied MV. “It must have felt
like you were talking to a wall.”

“I was depressed and getting more so,” I said. “Even taking classes
had lost its luster.”

“That’s when you chose marriage,” said MV.

“Yeah, that’s when I began to see marriage and family in a whole new
light,” I responded. “I even remember the exact moment of that
realization. I turned on the music and pulled my rocker into the
`sweet spot’ in front of my speakers for the umpteenth time. Then I
envisioned myself twenty years hence, and all I could see was a
wrinkled old me, sitting in front of the same music, alone, for the
duration of my life. The music lost its luster after that. And that’s
when I asked myself, `How does God do it?’”

“Do what?”

“Make quality happen,” I replied. “And then it dawned on me. It’s not necessary to know what you’re doing to get it done. All it takes is
family. Within the family structure, whether you like it or not,
quality freedom happens. Care giving is, essentially, a teaching and
learning process. It has to be that way.”

“And here we are,” said MV, “looking back at a life totally different
from the one you had once envisioned.”

“Yeah,” I replied, “and all because I stopped fighting with my own
philosophy. I got out from under `Sisyphus’s boulder,’ so to speak,
and just walked away. The thought of finding a wife and raising a
family increasingly became for me more divine and heartfelt than
anything my self-imposed `philosophical existence’ had to offer. With
that goal in mind, nature became large again, and, just like in those
black ink Taoist drawings, I became very tiny.”

“And that was just the beginning,” responded MV, “the beginning of the hard part.”

“Yes, that kind of thing was never easy,” I replied; “especially if
you’re looking for more than a physical relationship. I knew it would
be almost impossible to find someone to share my philosophy with, but I began to search anyway.”

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About bwinwnbwi

About me: Marvin Gaye’s song, "What’s Going On" was playing on the jukebox when I went up to the counter and bought another cup of coffee. When I got back, the painting on the wall next to where I was sitting jumped out at me, the same way it had done many times before. On it was written a diatribe on creativity. It was the quote at the bottom, though, that brought me back to this seat time after time. The quote had to do with infinity; it went something like this: Think of yourself as being in that place where infinity comes together in a point; where the infinite past and the infinite future meet, where you are at right now. The quote was attributed to Hermann Hesse, but I didn’t remember reading it in any of the books that I had read by him, so I went out and bought Hesse’s last novel, Magister Ludi. I haven’t found the quote yet, but I haven't tired of looking for it either.
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5 Responses to Marriage And Family Got Me Out From Under My Philosophical Rock

  1. boozilla says:

    This is wonderful.

  2. eof737 says:

    That would do it… 🙂

  3. How right you are and how sad so many of today think marriage means never having to say your sorry while raising children means never saying “Kid, you are wrong.” Both are necessary parts of relationship building and maintaining.

    You were blessed to find what really mattered and apparently to work as hard at that as you did at learning philosophy. Thank you.

    • bwinwnbwi says:

      Learning philosophy did not present much of a problem for me (one does not have to accept my interpretations, however). I went to philosophy the same way a baby goes to milk. On the other hand, trying to keep everybody “happy” in my family found me forever pushing up against Sisyphus’s boulder (the boulder’s a lot smaller now that the kids are pretty much grown). Thanks for all the comments. Take care.

  4. bwinwnbwi says:

    “I turned on the music and pulled my rocker into the `sweet spot’ in front of my speakers for the umpteenth time. Then I envisioned myself twenty years hence, and all I could see was a
    wrinkled old me, sitting in front of the same music, alone, for the duration of my life.” Add another 15 years on to the 20 mentioned above and, yes, here I am; very prophetic (at least the physical part). Twenty seven years of a loving marriage, raising our two children (Agnes deceased 12-15-2012, children living away from home now) and, yes, the music has lost its luster, but it still brings back great memories–memories of years full of love, family and the learning experiences described (and now commented on for the last time) in these WordPress postings.

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