Category Of Survivalist

Help, I need somebody,
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me?

Thinking Through Nihilism—The Origin Of Human Nature
A Meditation Conceived While Visiting Eddy In The Hospital

Trying to solve everybody’s problems left me stressed out, but I had benefited from all the time spent in the hospital. The waiting gave me time to rethink my philosophy.

I knew that human nature resisted every attempt at categorization, but it bothered me that I was using a denial, a category in itself, to
deny the reality of human nature. It simply was just not possible to
live outside of circumstance. That was the given! If my circumstance was full of violence, then I had to deal with it. When I confronted violence, I could not act on its origin (for the most part,
ignorance), I had to act on its threat. In the mode of non-violence, I
confronted violence, and, in turn, was confronted by my own possible annihilation. I was in the category of survivalist when I confronted the possibility of my own demise. I could run, beg forgiveness, fight, or scream. I had to act, though, or face extinction. It’s all history now. Caught in a violent situation, I chose to respond violently. I am no longer ambivalent over “how I would respond.” The question  remains, however, “How can I be the category
of no category?” This is my confusion and my nausea.

I would like to pursue this project further, but it’s getting late
and I must return to Eddy. Sometimes I think faster than I write and lose thoughts and/or ideas in the process, especially when I’m tired. This is an urgent issue for me. I am convinced that my nihilism—a universal nihilism—is what is “real” in human nature, but, for me, this is sometimes a difficult belief to maintain. Lacking the socialization to do otherwise, people were predictably cruel and
violent. If I am to continue to deny human nature, I must find more
evidence to support my beliefs, or change them.


About bwinwnbwi

About me: Marvin Gaye’s song, "What’s Going On" was playing on the jukebox when I went up to the counter and bought another cup of coffee. When I got back, the painting on the wall next to where I was sitting jumped out at me, the same way it had done many times before. On it was written a diatribe on creativity. It was the quote at the bottom, though, that brought me back to this seat time after time. The quote had to do with infinity; it went something like this: Think of yourself as being in that place where infinity comes together in a point; where the infinite past and the infinite future meet, where you are at right now. The quote was attributed to Hermann Hesse, but I didn’t remember reading it in any of the books that I had read by him, so I went out and bought Hesse’s last novel, Magister Ludi. I haven’t found the quote yet, but I haven't tired of looking for it either.
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4 Responses to Category Of Survivalist

  1. eof737 says:

    The cruelty leaves me speechless… the senselessness of it all.

  2. Interesting. I also fight against categorisation, but have have habitually used the devise of accepting whatever category circumstance or personalities bestow on me and then set about denying it it, or, more positively, transcending it. Only problem is, the category defines my actions. The alternative strategy is simply to say “so what? I don’t have to conform my identity to any limiting labeling system, especially those from without – the labels I need to watch are those that come from within.”

    I found Gil Baillie “Violence Unveiled: humanity at the crossroads”(Crossroad, 1995) instructive – basically a lot of teasing out on Renee Girard’s anthropological work on violence.

    • bwinwnbwi says:

      I appreciate the suggested reading. We begin by juxtaposing the limitations of categories against the value of a particular category and then ask why? In the end (many posts away), I will conclude that “identities” (symbolic language at its source) are a product of structure rooted in the freedom to be free. Thanks for the comment.

  3. bwinwnbwi says:

    How can I be the category of no category? This is my confusion and my nausea:

    The universe began with the freedom to be; life with the freedom to be alive; self-consciousness with the freedom to separate consciousness from its object. Life, self-consciousness, and universe—origins—will remain questions simply because questions of this sort are permitted by the freedom that spawned the possibility to question anything whatsoever. Just like a dog chasing its own tail, what the dog doesn’t understand is that the tail and the dog are one and separate. Without this dichotomy (free to be) there would be no universe, life, or the freedom to ask: when, where, what, how, who, or if then, i.e., the freedom to chase one’s own tail!

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