The Many Faces Of Happiness

Fools rush in, so here I am
Very glad to be unhappy
I can’t win, but here I am
More than glad to be unhappy

Peace of mind,
where’s the happiness we should be havin’?
We can’t find any answers in the good times we had.

Keaau Beach, Hawaii
Feb. 6 `73

For the better part of the past week, I had worried about where I would sleep, or if I was going to get rained on. Not last night! I had a
warm place to sleep, and I was camped at the end of the road, so I
didn’t have to worry too much about getting busted. It was more a
daytime thing with the pigs anyway. After dark they left you alone. I had a beautiful view of the ocean surf breaking in front of me and
nothing but clear sky above me. After all of my “creaturely needs”
were fulfilled, and the big orange sun sank into the ocean, I sat back
and watched as the sky filled with twinkling stars. It couldn’t have
been better.

God, was that an enjoyable evening. I felt extremely happy, but in
retrospect, last night’s happiness was a different kind of happiness
than the happiness I had felt when I was with Carol Sue. That
happiness was indescribable. It was also different from the happiness I had felt when I coasted my bicycle down Ten Sleep Canyon. That was a “blissed out happiness.” It was even different from the happiness that I had felt when I dropped acid on a religious quest in the Deadstream Swamp.

Last night’s happiness was the closest “I” could get to being happy.
It was a happiness concentrated in my own ego. It was the same kind of happiness that I had felt when on a summer night four years ago I had found myself overlooking the bright lights of San Diego. It was also the same kind of happiness that filled me to bursting when, in Seattle, under that Monorail train, I had just escaped what I felt was to be certain death. On those occasions, “I” was happy, very, very happy. When desires become satisfied, when security, appetite, and multiple addictions become satisfied–-happiness overwhelms. That kind of happiness was certainly welcome, but at best (unfortunately), that kind of happiness occurred infrequently and was soon gone.


About bwinwnbwi

About me: Marvin Gaye’s song, "What’s Going On" was playing on the jukebox when I went up to the counter and bought another cup of coffee. When I got back, the painting on the wall next to where I was sitting jumped out at me, the same way it had done many times before. On it was written a diatribe on creativity. It was the quote at the bottom, though, that brought me back to this seat time after time. The quote had to do with infinity; it went something like this: Think of yourself as being in that place where infinity comes together in a point; where the infinite past and the infinite future meet, where you are at right now. The quote was attributed to Hermann Hesse, but I didn’t remember reading it in any of the books that I had read by him, so I went out and bought Hesse’s last novel, Magister Ludi. I haven’t found the quote yet, but I haven't tired of looking for it either.
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3 Responses to The Many Faces Of Happiness

  1. celadon says:

    Happiness in various ways, but love is in it.The constant feeling of happiness is in every single moment we are aware of a smile or a touch, how small or fast moving away.My happiness: the sun in the room and my dogs with smiling faces lying down.

  2. Pingback: World Spinner

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